* Questions for Dear Ernie can be sent to: thecandor@yahoo.com
Dear Ernie,
I have been enjoying college life and spending so much time with my friends, but lately, I have been feeling like I am really being taken advantage of by a friend. This individual who both my roommate and I have considered a close friend has been spending a lot of time in our apartment despite her technically being a commuter, and she has now been sleeping at our apartment almost every night. I am one who really needs my space and this is becoming a bigger issue for me. I am really starting to feel uncomfortable because I want to have other friends and my family over, What should I do?
Sincerely,
Afraid to Speak Up
Dear Afraid to Speak Up,
It is completely understandable why you are hesitant to bring this up with your friend because it’s a really uncomfortable conversation to have. However, you need to do what is best for your well-being, and shouldn’t hold in all of your feelings. Here are some things to keep in mind when confronting a friend about how you are feeling:
- Advocate for yourself without losing control: You can try to explain to your friend how you see the situation and explain your point of view and come up with a mutual agreement. Remember to always be the bigger person. just because you are dealing with someone that chooses not to act with integrity doesn’t mean that you have to act the same way. Yelling and arguing will not accomplish anything for anyone.
- Try to understand the other person’s point of view: It is very possible that they have some personal things going on and they are now using your room as an escape. Sitting down and coming up with a plan can help with that. You will have to meet in the middle, but make sure that they know you do care and want to help. But on the other hand, they also have to understand that you need your own personal space as well.
- Get help from an RA or a Counselor: If none of these other options are working out for you, then it is completely up to you how to handle this moving forward. Having a meeting with an RA or Counselor to sit down and come up with a plan can really help you. It should feel like a safe space for each of you and it can really help to get an outside opinion on what your plan should be moving forward.
Make sure that you don’t put your well-being to the side, and I hope that you both find a happy solution.
Keep on soaring,
Ernie
(Note: The advice given is from Candor writers, student-to-student, and does not reflect the opinion of the university).
The Candor 