Dear Ernie: The Feeling of Being Behind

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Dear Ernie, 

I have a friend that I have been close to for a couple of years now, and at the beginning of our friendship, we would both run to each other for anything and everything. It has been so nice having a friend like that. However, things have changed a lot since then. Now they reach out only when they want to talk about how successful they are, show off how much money they have, and flash the nice things they buy for themselves. It is really starting to get to me, and my self-esteem has been really low lately.

What would you recommend when it comes to dealing with the feeling of being defeated and unsuccessful because of the things your friend says or does?


The humble friend 

Dear humble friend,

Not everybody is on the same path and or the same timetable in life, and it is completely normal to not be on the same exact level as your friend both financially and successfully. There are a lot of famous athletes, tv/movie producers, and singers who did not make it big until later on. It is a very popular misconception that what you have accomplished at your age determines whether you are successful or not. Success has nothing to do with your age!  The best way to go about a friendship like this is to begin to distance yourself, but also talk to your friend and let them know how you are feeling, and what you look for in friendships.

It is so important to surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you feel good and proud of your own accomplishments. Nobody is perfect, everyone is on a different path in life and we all want different things! That is what makes each and every one of us unique and beautiful.

It should never be made out to be a competition of who has become more “successful” and who can afford nicer things. Just be yourself, and feel happy and confident with where you are at. You got this!

Keep on soaring,


(Note: The advice given is from Candor writers, student-to-student, and does not reflect the opinion of the university).