Archive

Conan: A live commentary


by Nick Loconsole

STAFF WRITER

@NickLoconsole

 

Photo: Wikipedia

Photo: Wikipedia

We are back, and by we I of course mean your humble narrator, me. This is the third entry into my series of live commentaries, I heard through the grapevine that these are going to be nominated for an award soon, so yeah.

10:00: It should be known beforehand that I actually like Conan more than the other late night talk show hosts. I have a thing for redheads clearly.

10:03: The internet turned 45 years old yesterday; also turning 45, the guy who has never left his mother’s basement because of the internet.

10:07: This opening monologue has been about 95 percent Halloween jokes.

10:08: Jake Gyll…Jake Gyllenhull, nope that’s not it. Jake Gyllenhaal is on the show tonight promoting his new movie Nightcrawler.

10:13: Conan O’Brien still uses a notecard when he gives interviews, really puts things in perspective.

10:17: Jake is talking about some documentary he saw about bears while on a flight. Apparently it made him cry like a baby. The women are swooning.

10:23: Growing up Jake’s father would make homemade Halloween costumes for him and his sister. Costumes include a juice box, and an Oreo. For this year maybe he can go as an Academy Award. BOOM.

10:28: This movie he is promoting actually sounds awesome. He plays a guy who essentially shows up to crime scenes before the cops get there and he films it. He then sells the footage to local news stations. Go see Nightcrawler.

10:33: Andy Richter, Conan’s sidekick, is hilarious. I also recently found out he enjoys the consumption of a certain substance quite often. It is for medicinal purposes I’m sure. He probably suffers from night blindness or something.

10:35: If you weren’t aware, Golden Corral is America’s number 1 buffet.

10:38: Judy Greer is the next guest, that one actress who you recognize by face but not by name.

10:40: She is on those Sprint commercials. Still not ringing any bells?

10:44: They are talking about social media and doing the classic thing middle age people do when they talk about it. Social media isn’t that hard to grasp, also Dad, stop typing in caps on Facebook.

10:48: A commercial for Jose Cuervo just came on, the tagline was “have a story.” If you drink Jose Cuervo you won’t have a story because you won’t remember anything. Have fun waking up missing a shoe.

10:52: A band called The War on Drugs is performing. I’m trying to decipher the reason as to why they named their band that. Given how bad the actual War on Drugs has gone, that can’t be a good omen for your band.

10:54: I thought this was some cool young band, but based on the fact this lead singer resembles Ronnie James Dio I’m going to say they have been around for a while.

10:57: I just saw the American Express commercial with Tina Fey where it looks like she has bird poop in her hair but it is yogurt. Then she tastes the white stuff in her hair.

That is the end of the show, hope I made you laugh at least once. And if you didn’t laugh well then I just have one question for you. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? IS THIS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE? That was two questions, get over it. Bye.