The Hollywood Couple Power Rankings

The list to end all lists…probably
by Nick Loconsole

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

1. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: This one shouldn’t come as a surprise, they have been together for what seems like forever now and they have a boatload of kids. It’s a shame that Angelina’s career hasn’t been all that amazing, otherwise we could have been looking at a top five power couple of all time. I would like to address something that is rather alarming to me, Brad Pitt is 51 years old, I know right. What happened? Brad Pitt could be my dad but if he dated girls my age everyone would be like “those girls are so lucky.” Pitt is rapidly approaching the tipping point in his looks, we are going to wake up one day and all of a sudden the guy who seems to have bathed in the fountain of youth will look like an old leather sofa. Moving on.

2. Jay Z and Beyoncé: Everyone loves these two, on one hand you have a rapper and entrepreneur, and on the other you have one of the biggest female stars in music. Not to delve into too much rap history, but Jay Z is generally seen to have produced three of the greatest rap albums of all time with Reasonable Doubt, The Blueprint, and, The Black Album. Those three albums were released in a seven year span from 1996-2007. That right there is enough to have them ranked this high.

3. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian: As painful as this one is to put up here, there is really no denying that these two are a very popular and influential couple. Kanye is one of the best-selling hip-hop artists in the world. Kanye also has a permanent scowl on his face because his jaw was broken during a 2002 car crash…so he has that going for him I guess. We all know why Kim is famous, now go google it. What a lot of people our age probably aren’t aware of, or maybe you all are and I need to get off this high horse, is that Kim’s father was a defense attorney for OJ Simpson and helped him get acquitted of murder. I’ll just be over here dropping more knowledge if you need me.

4. David and Victoria Beckham: When ranking these couples longevity of the relationship definitely has to be taken into account. David and Posh have been together since 1997. In 1997 a lot of things were different, I was four years old, Bill Clinton was doing “things” in the White House, and Creed was popular. It was a dark time. Regardless, a sixteen year relationship when you are living in the world that the two of them are is impressive. The amount of women and men that probably have thrown themselves at them over the years is unthinkable.

5. Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen: Or as the guys in every New England bar would say on Sunday, TOHM BRAHDY! Brady is arguably a top 5 quarterback of all time in the NFL, and his rise to superstardom is a great story. I’m not sure what Gisele does other than look good. I’d like to shake her parent’s hands because those genes of theirs set her up for life. Since 2004 Gisele has been the highest paid model in the world, before that she was probably the second highest paid model in the world. Tom has a few more years left in his career and given how history repeats itself; he will be competing for a Super Bowl every one of them.