Men and women are both complex people. When they say something, it doesn’t necessarily mean what they say. Men tend to take the simplest route to accomplish what they are thinking. A plus B will equal C. Meanwhile women take the more complex route. Their thought process is more like A plus B, minus logic, plus their current mood, divided by what’s happening at the present moment, add some form of chocolate, and then it will equal C. It’s these differences that are the root of communication problems between both sexes. Here is a little guide for the common phases both men and women say and what they really mean. I am doing this for fun so don’t take this too seriously.
Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No
I’m sorry = you’ll be sorry
We need = I want
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!?” = Too late, you’re dead
Do I look OK? = If you say anything other than yes, I’ll be mad at you
I’m fine. = I’m not fine.
Nothing is wrong. = There’s definitely something wrong.
I’m over it. = No, I’m not.
I, like, honestly don’t even care. = I care so much.
This salad is so filling. = I would give anything for a burger.
I’m not really hungry. = I’m starving.
I have nothing to wear. = I have multiple things I could wear but I don’t currently like any of them.
Yes, I’m fine. = I’m not in a bad mood, but if you keep asking if I am I will be soon.
Do I find her attractive? Eh, not really my type.=I’m not stupid enough to fall for this trick.
You look terrific.= Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.
I’ll take you to a fancy restaurant. = Someplace that doesn’t have a drive-thru window.
I hate shopping. = Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse.
Can I help with dinner?= Why isn’t it already on the table?
Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.= I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
It’s my fault, I’m sorry. =We’ve been arguing about this for hours and I just can’t take it anymore. Congratulations, you wore me down.
I was kidding. = Oh, I was using humor to express something I believed is true, and you saw right through it. This is me backpedaling.
What do you want to do for our anniversary?=Please answer by saying the date because I can’t remember it right now.
It’s a guy thing.=There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.= I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.
I heard you.= I haven’t the slightest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.
I don’t care. = You have presented me with an option that, while clearly very important to you, is not a big deal to me at all. Since we’re probably going to end up doing what you want to do anyway, let’s just skip the conversation and go straight to that. So, for the love of God, just tell me where we’re going to eat tonight.